The True Story
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: There was the story Murdoc told everybody...Then there was the true one.
1. Chapter 1

There was the story that Murdoc told the public and the people around him about how he had met 2D. That he hadn't known him until the day he ran the little brat over with his car, but that wasn't true…Not in the least; he had known Stuart for months before that horrible accident. The only parts of that story that were true were that he had been robbing a music shop, he had no clue that was where Stu worked, and that when the police arrested him he had been laughing like a mad man. One tends to lose his mind when he just hit the only person he's ever loved in his life with their car.


	2. Chapter 2

He hated his band, he hated the shit clubs they always ended up playing….Hell he just hated this entire town. Every chance he got while playing Murdoc would glare at his guitarist Josh or walk over and kick his bassist in the ass. He knew the moment their set was over that his mates would be on his ass about the way that he treated them, but they deserved it. They were some of the greatest musicians that he could find here, that was sad…Very sad, as far as Murdoc was concerned his singing and the physical oddity that was himself were the only two things people came to see.

Per usual the crowd was small and per usual they were mostly rude drunks. A few mildly attractive birds with their tops off….This wasn't the kind of format he wanted to play for the rest of his life, for however long that would be. Sometimes he wanted to just off himself, just to avoid the car crash of a future he was heading towards. He'd probably end up like his father that would be his ultimate nightmare.

Hello there….

Murdoc's eyes landed on probably the most attractive and from what he could tell the most sober person in the club. A tall very skinny bloke with spiked up electric blue hair, brown eyes circled with eyeliner and a smart ass smirk upon his face. He got so caught up in staring at the boy that he forgot where he was for a moment and fucked up part of the song, nobody noticed except for the blue haired boy who appeared to just laugh and shake his head. Murdoc made a personal note to himself to go up to the kid the moment they were done. True there was the chance it'd be an utter waste of his valuable time, but it was better than getting into another fist fight with their drummer Ian.

Once they were done the lights dimmed, the drunks stumbled away, and Murdoc shoved past his mates before they could begin ranting at him.

Honestly it didn't take that long for him to find the mystery boy; he was the only one there with blue hair. He was the only male there other than Murdoc who didn't look like some idiotic fraternity freak. Upon closer inspection the guy was quite stunning. He stood leaning back against the bar with a bottle of beer in his hand, cigarette in the other while his bright brown eyes scanned the semi packed club. As long as he didn't spot Murdoc then he could stare as long as he needed before he decided whether or not to approach him.

The blue haired boy wore a black shirt with the sleeves cut off and tight blue jeans with holes ripped into the knees as well as the inner thigh region…..

"So for 'ow long do ya plan on staring at me for?"

Murdoc flinched at the voice; he pulled himself back to reality his eyes meeting the blue haired boy's. He partially expected him to be irritated; sometimes it was hard to tell if another guy was gay, and if they weren't then if they would be enraged by being stared at by another bloke.

"Yer the only interesting thing I've seen in this club for weeks." Murdoc said smirking as he slowly made his way up to the other man.

Young, he looked really young.

"Oh really, there are plenty of birds around here y'know." He replied smiling slyly.

"Yeah, but they aren't that great…Not easy on the eyes you know, yer pretty fun to look at on the other hand."

The other man laughed, he took a drink from the bottle then sat it down on the bar.

"I'm not a girl if ya haven't noticed so giving me cheesy lines won't work that well for yew, but yew do strike me as the charming kind of bloke who knows what they're doing."

"Nah not all the time, if yew had any idea how many of these blokes and birds have punched me yew'd be laughing yer arse off right about now."

"Nobody here knows anything….Yer a really good singer, wot are yew doing playing in places like this?"

Murdoc raised an eyebrow at the compliment. Nobody complimented his singing or his well anything.

"If ya didn't notice I got a rather shit band, I don't exactly got that pretty boy look the music business wants either." He said laughing.

Really why exactly was this guy still here? When Murdoc really thought about it there was absolutely nothing appealing about himself other than he could give come backs quicker than anybody else around. Plus his rude attitude and false charms made up for any other of his physical down falls. Yet he didn't feel judged by the brown eyes that were steadily staring at him, studying him…It was weird.

"They aren't that great, this yer first band?"

"Oh God no, this is the…I've lost track, I'm only in my thirties and I feel like I'm already too old for all this shit." He said shaking his head.

"That's not too bad, a lot older than me though…I'm Stuart by the way."

"Murdoc, it's a shit name but it's mine….Much better than Stuart." He said smiling.

Stuart laughed; he took a drag from his cigarette.

"I agree, yer name is really freaking weird…I like it…So do yew wanna sit and drink with me for a bit?"

Murdoc scanned the club giving a quick check to make sure nobody was looking for him….Mostly the people who would want to beat the piss out of him, as far as he could see they had probably left…Probably took his van, it wouldn't surprise him. If that was the case he didn't have any other options but to take the blue haired boy up on his offer. He sat down next to him; Stu ordered two shots of rum for the both of them. They spent nearly an hour just drinking and talking, mostly about nothing. Most things they talked about they forgot by the time they did another shot.

"So yer one of those Punk type boys?"

Stuart nodded and laughed.

"and yer one of those Goth blokes, right?"

Murdoc shrugged, took another shot then laughed. It was strange thinking of himself as Goth especially as he got older, he usually just thought of himself as a royal ass.

"Yew could say that, seems a bit odd calling myself that though."

"Yew got really weird skin, it's like ash coloured." Stu said as he continued staring at him.

He would do that, just stare at the older man. Not like he was disgusted by him, but just merely fascinated.

"Yer so pale yew glow in the dark, what's yer point?" Murdoc said laughing.

"It's just curious, I like it though…Do yew live near here?"

"Yeah I do actually….Pretty close to this club…How about yew?"

"I live with my parents, I did live with my girlfriend, but that didn't work out too well." He said shrugging, he looked down awkwardly.

"Ah so yew got a girl or did?"

"Did, we broke it off a few months back. I got over it pretty quickly, though I miss being on my own."

"Good…Shit I mean….It's good yer single, sucks yer girl left or whatever."

Stu laughed.

"None of that came out right." Murdoc mumbled hitting his forehead against the palm of his hand.

Stuart patted his back, he moved his hand up to the back of his neck his fingers combing through his greasy black hair.

"Don't worry….I get wot yew mean…I think maybe we should go to yer place, don't yew agree?"

Murdoc looked at him for a second, he couldn't find anything to say so he just nodded and allowed Stuart to lead him out of the club and into his car.


	3. Chapter 3

Sex with a stranger could be horribly awkward, especially when you were both completely smashed. Yet the first time Murdoc had sex with Stuart it was…Different, he didn't even know how to describe it. The moment they got to the front door Stu had Murdoc pressed up against it. He was decently surprised at the dominance somebody that thin could have, he loved every moment of it though. He loved the rough feel of the younger man's fingers going up under his shirt scratching at his skin sending shivers down his spine. He loved how roughly he bit at his lip drawing blood, the way he pulled at his hair. There were no reservations and there sure as hell was no control. He was amazed they even took the time to make it inside of Murdoc's flat, let alone to the bedroom….Though they did end up on the couch first, long enough for Stuart to lose his shirt, and long enough for Murdoc to leave bite marks along his neck and chest.

By the time they hit the bedroom they only had their jeans on. The older man had his hand shoved down the front of the other's pants. Once he had Stuart's pants off he couldn't help but laugh when he saw the younger man wore pink underwear which resulted in a light slap to the back of his head. Stu shoved Murdoc back onto the bed climbing on top of him, he pinned the older man's arms above his head. He loved the feeling of the blue haired man grinding down against him, the feel of his lips against his skin. He bucked his hips up as the younger man moved lower. God he truly loved every second of this, maybe it was because he hadn't had a shag for a couple of months. Maybe it was something else…It felt like something else.

Like every time you had sex while drunk the actual sex part was awkward….Your senses were quite dead, but neither of them noticed. After those first initially painful and strange seconds Stuart wrapped his legs around the older man's back pulling him in deeper. His fingers were digging into his shoulder blades and teeth digging into the side of his neck. He went from slow to hard at the younger man's demand, he felt dizzy each time Stuart would whisper the most obscenely sexual things into his ear before licking along his earlobe. The pain from his nails digging into his back just drove him further, turned him on more. They kissed sloppily, desperately, and by the time they both came they were covered in bite marks and scratch marks.

Maybe it only seemed mind blowing because they were drunk; everything seemed sexier and better when you couldn't even remember how you had gotten home.

Murdoc watched as Stuart got up from the bed, he walked over to the door and picked his jeans up from the floor. The older man propped himself up on his elbows as he watched the younger man begin to dress.

"Where are yew going?"

Stu looked back at him curiously.

"Well generally after one goes to a sleezy club, drinks too much, and goes home with a bloke the other man generally wants you to leave right afterwards. Usually before the sun comes up….Which is in two more hours."

"Generally I'd agree with yew, fully. This time I'd like the other bloke to stay the night, yew don't have to stay, but I think I kinda like yew a bit."

Stu continued to stare at him for a bit longer, shrugged then got into bed curling up against Murdoc's side. The black haired man wrapped an arm around Stuart's midsection holding him closely.

"Yer rather strange, ya know?" Stu asked laughing a bit.

"I've heard that for quite some time now, I'm starting to believe it."

"God my parents are going to flip when I get home."

"Curfew?"

Stuart laughed.

"Sadly yeah, a bit; I'm an adult but they insist on treating me like I'm still a tiny kid or something like that….So yew really don't mind me staying here, I might be over for awhile."

Murdoc placed his hand over Stuart's giving it a light squeeze.

"Nah I don't mind at all, stay as long as yew like. Rare for me to want somebody around."

That's how it went; the first time they had sex. He sort of figured this was just a drawn out one night stand, but it would turn into something so much more than that…Almost like Sid and Nancy, sometimes today he wishes it had ended that way. There would have been less pain that way, instead of the pain carrying out for endless years.


	4. Chapter 4

When he woke up alone in bed later that day he felt slightly disappointed. It wasn't until he had gotten dressed and made his way to the living room to see Stuart sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette that he felt better. When the blue haired boy noticed him he grinned up at him, he offered the older man his pack of cigarettes. Murdoc took one out of the pack, sticking it between his lips. He removed the lighter from his pocket and lit the tip, he took a long drag holding it a second before letting out a long cloud of smoke watching it swirl around the air then disappear.

"Honestly didn't figure that yew would still be here."

"I decided to take yew up on yer offer, but I did consider leaving while yew were sleeping….Just considered it for a wee bit, not long."

"I'm happy that yew stayed." Murdoc said offering a small smile.

He felt lame because most times he loved being alone, he craved that empty loneliness almost as much as he craved cigarettes. His one night stands usually bugged the hell out of him once he was sober and they were fully dressed. This time was different, this was completely different, and it made him feel stupid.

"My parents won't be too thrilled about it, I skipped work yesterday and…Today as well, my dad will be right pissed at me."

"Yew got a job, where at?"

He really wasn't too sure why he was surprised that a college aged kid had a job.

"Music shop that my uncle owns; I only got it because my dad has been riding his arse telling him to hire me for months, so he finally caved in. He should be happy I haven't been to work for a couple of days now, he always goes on about how dull in the head I am." The younger man said smiling almost like he was a bit proud.

"Yer dull, why do yew think that? Yew seem rather bright to me."

Stuart laughed and shook his head.

"Trust me I'm not that smart."

"Yew may be right, after all yew are thick enough to dye yer hair bright blue."

Stuart looked confused for a bit, he ran his fingers back through his hair like he was just now realizing what colour it was.

"Oh no, it's not dyed; actually it used to be brown….I think so anyways, but it's been this colour for years now."

Murdoc laughed.

"Bollocks, that's gotta be a dye job. Only those birds in Japanese cartoons got blue hair."

"No I'm being serious, I know it sounds dumb. It's a long story though." Stu said laughing.

"Well yer already late for work and I haven't had any important places to be for years now. So I got plenty of time to hear it."

Murdoc sat down on the corner of the coffee table after shoving some of the trash that cluttered the top onto the floor.

Stuart looked away smiling sheepishly a light blush on his cheeks before he even started to explain.

"Well when I was a lot younger I was playing in a tree with my cousin. I'm really clumsy so I kind of fell out of the tree fell right on my head. My skull ended up cracked wide open; my parents thought I'd be dead before I even got to the hospital."

"Shit"

"I know, but they got me all stitched up…I don't remember everything, I was a kid when it happened. I guess a lot of circulation to my brain or something got cut off and it caused some brain damage as well as my hair to die and fall out…Took a while for it to grow back and when it did it came in a kinda weird colour of blue sort of grey….My mum said it was because of the air supply in my head….I don't know just some rubbish like that, but that's why it's blue. That sounds completely stupid, hard to explain to everybody." Stuart said taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Not the dumbest thing I've heard in my life, but it is really odd. Yew still don't seem that dumb to me."

Stuart exhaled the smoke into the air then laughed, his brown eyes locked on Murdoc like he was trying to tell if he was lying or not.

"Why are yew so nice to me, yew hardly know me."

The older man shrugged, he had no even remotely decent answer to the question.

"Not too sure, yer just different than all the other bastards around here….I rarely go with blokes, mostly into women…Definitely into women, just yer different than all of them."

He always wondered why he looked at Stuart differently than anybody else. Maybe it was because he had had such a lacking of love at home when he was a child, maybe because through school not one girl his age looked at him without fear or disgust. He spent his life taking what he could knowing that happiness came to everybody but him. He didn't know why Stuart was different compared to everybody else, but he was.

"Do yew mind if I stay here for a bit longer?" Stu asked as he put his cigarette out in the ashtray.

Murdoc took hold of his wrist rubbing his thumb along his arm. He pulled the younger man closer; Stuart smiled at him while his brown eyes looked at him with infatuation.

"As long as yew want luv."

He kissed him gently, but Stuart deepened it. He curled his fingers in the front of Murdoc's shirt pulling him closer until the older man was sitting upon his lap. Within seconds they were into the pattern from last night; kissing sloppily and roughly like there was a never ending battle for dominance. Just like last time Murdoc didn't care in the least he was losing, he didn't care that within two minutes he was lying back on the floor with Stuart on top of him and his hand down the front of his pants. He just wanted more of him; he just wanted to make sure that this eager weird Punk boy stayed in his life for a good while longer.

At that time, at that place…..On that dingy carpet in that horrible fucking flat it seemed perfect. He had a beautiful bloke on top of him worshiping his body like he was some sort of a Saint. If somebody, if he himself could have gone back to that time to tell….To show himself back then what the future would hold….Would he still have been happy, would he have still wanted to see Stuart every day after that?

They were poison….No Murdoc was the poison, Stuart was just the victim who took it all in….Always willingly; back then it didn't seem bad, when everything was fine….He was happy that day, happier than he had been in forever, but now. Now when he closed his eyes and really thought about those early days before everything went to shit, instead of feeling happy or aroused by the memories he'd just cry. Nothing perfect lasted, nothing beautiful stayed, and everything he touched ended up destroyed.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a couple of days since he had seen Stuart. Maybe it really had just been a drawn out one night stand, they happened from time to time. He never felt sad about it or hopeful that he'd hear back from the person he had sex with; if anything he hoped to Satan that they would never approach him again. This was different, as always this was different. For two days all he could do was think about that blue haired Punk, he couldn't stop thinking about him, or fantasizing about him. He tried to take his mind off of him; usually by playing bass, writing songs, or going out with his mates. He had been right about them stealing his van, he asked where they had left it, and after a tense pause Ian admitted they had wrecked it.

Murdoc had pummeled him for that; per usual that led to his other band mates taking swings at him. More yelling, cursing, glass being broken, and now Murdoc was sitting in the pub down the block from his flat. His fists were sore, knuckles bruised, his leg hurt, and his face was bruised up from the brawl earlier. He'd give it about a week, he'd get hold of one of those bastards, but he wouldn't apologize. They would have a crap band practice, play a crap set in front of crap drunks. This wasn't how he wanted his career to go, if it wasn't for the occasional drug dealing, and his near constant stealing he would be on the streets….Worse he would be back in Crowley living with his father, never, he would never do that. He'd rather be lying on the fucking road side covered in piss and whiskey than to go back to that Hell.

"Hey"

Murdoc looked up to see Stuart now sitting in the chair across from him, when had he gotten there?

"Whoa what happened to yer face, yew look like shit."

"Thanks and yeah I know, I sorta got into a fight with my band mates. They stole my van, wrecked it, and now I'm the bad guy in that situation apparently." He said still feeling mildly annoyed by the entire situation.

"Sorry to hear about that."

Murdoc shrugged.

"Honestly didn't think that I'd see yew again."

"Same here, I just came in here to get away from work, and my ex-girlfriend. I spotted yew and decided to hang out with yew for a bit."

"Oh are yew getting back with her?"

Stuart shook his head; he looked completely disgusted by the thought.

"God no; after all that she did to me, she's only on me lately because my mum is trying to get us back together. I much rather be with yew than her….I mean, y'know hang out with…Not date, I think."

The younger man buried his face in his hands laughing nervously. Murdoc placed his hand on top of Stuart's head ruffling his soft blue hair.

"It's fine, I get what yew mean….If it's any consolation I've been thinking about yew for two days now."

Stu looked up and smiled.

"Really, am I that memorable?"

Murdoc laughed, why was it he felt happier when he was with Stuart?

"Yew tend to stick into a bloke's brain, do yew have anywhere to be other than work today?"

Stuart smirked; he noticed the change in his eyes going from almost innocent to devious. He really was beginning to like this strange boy.

"Nope I'm free; I'm free until I can get my mum to stop pushing me and my ex together."

"Good, that means I have yew all to myself for the day."

Murdoc placed his hand on Stuart's leg giving it a gentle squeeze. The other man placed his hand on Murdoc's cheek his fingers lightly brushing over a bruise there; he leaned in kissing him deeply. He could feel a few pairs of eyes on them, it didn't bother him much.


	6. Chapter 6

Thinking about his past hurt, it hurt like Hell. Just like Hell there were layers to his past; there was level one where he remembered being verbally abused by his father, level two where he remembered being beaten by his father and brother, there was level three where he remembered Stu when he was Stu instead of 2D, and finally there was level four where he had to wake up every day of his rotten life and look at the man he used to date. Look into two blackened eyes, listen to his drawled out medicated voice, and realize that he made him that way. These memories led to drinking, drugs, and sex with women he hated. He just wanted to be dead on the inside, but you can't out run your past especially when its sitting across the table from you or beside you on the couch. Right now though he needed to bring these memories to the front of his mind, he needed somebody to know the truth.

The truth was scary, he always lied. For the first few weeks of dating Stuart he managed to avoid telling him anything about his life. Stu knew he sold drugs, that he used to grave rob, and that he'd never had a relationship before. Murdoc had always hoped his childhood would never come up, but like everything he hoped wouldn't happen it did.

"So have yew lived around here all yer life?"

They were sitting on the floor of the living room; Stuart had the day off so instead of attending church with his family he was spending the day with Murdoc.

"Actually I grew up in Crowley, but left in my teen years."

Stu nodded like he understood even if he didn't. Murdoc felt uncomfortable being this close to talking about his upbringing.

"So did yew leave because it's a crap town or something else?"

It could be irritating when the younger man pushed with topics that Murdoc didn't like or just down right hated, but he knew the limits.

"Family; my father is a really bad man and I knew if I didn't leave soon that him or my brother would hurt me very badly."

He stared off towards the front door as he spoke. They wouldn't hurt him badly; if either found him they would rob him then kill him.

"I'm sorry to hear that….Where is yer mum at?" Stu asked his voice quiet now.

"In a mental institution, that's where I was born."

"Fuck I'm really sorry to hear that, I shouldn't have asked about it. Sorry."

"It's alright; I'm not proud of anything, nobody ever wants to be around me much when they know that stuff."

"Why not?"

Murdoc sighed heavily; he began tracing circles along the matted carpet on the floor.

"Too messed up….Way too messed up for anybody to wanna deal with me."

"They shouldn't treat yew like that just cause yew had a bad childhood."

"Do yew think any differently about me now?" Murdoc asked his voice low, he didn't want an answer.

Stuart placed his hand over Murdoc's.

"Yeah I do; it makes me like yew more than I already did."

He looked up at the younger man's smiling face, he could see the sympathy in his eyes, but mostly he saw the concern and love there.

The blue haired man placed his other hand on Murdoc's cheek; his fingers ran along his cheek. He leaned in kissing him softly, slowly; Murdoc kissed back overwhelmed by how gentle Stu was right now. He allowed the younger man to lay him back on the floor; his hands were on Stuart's hips his fingers sliding up under the torn shirt that he wore. He moaned softly as the beautiful boy on top of him combed his fingers through his hair as his lips found their way to his neck, his tongue flicking along his skin.

It was sort of funny to think that Stuart's parents were in church right now fearing the word of God while their son was in some shitty flat making out with an older man. He knew that if they found out they would be angry, but them and anybody else in the world would never know how much Murdoc was beginning to honestly love this boy.


	7. Chapter 7

Murdoc had just gotten back to his house after another failure of a show. He was dangerously close to breaking up his band, again. He couldn't stand any of the men he was working with and the type of music they wanted to play. They turned down all of his ideas and never listened to a damned thing he said to them.

He was most definitely happy to be back in his cramped home. His body ached, but after about three bottles of beer his muscles were started to feel loose. He sat on his couch thinking over whatever topics floated through his mind, it never felt like it stopped running. He thought first about his band, about how he could barely afford cigarettes with the money he was making from playing shows. The five bands before this one had failed, mostly because of his own stupid mistakes. A drug binder had caused his judgment to die which led to some incredibly bad band names. Now he was just fucked for the usual reasons; he wasn't sure he could get a regular job….Did he even want a regular job?

Fuck it maybe he'd just say 'sod it' to everything, pack his shit and move some place else. Some place far away from this shit hole, but he couldn't do that. He didn't dare do that or even think on it longer then a second, because now he was thinking about Stuart. When he thought about Stuart he felt strange, a way he had never felt. Part of it was happiness and another part was worry, he worried about when this would end. Things were going quite well, the blue haired punk made him happy. He was the only person to believe in Murdoc, to care about his well being….He feared the day that he would lose that, nothing perfect lasted.

He heard a light tapping sound; at first he ignored it thinking it was nothing. It grew louder, going from a tapping to a frantic pounding. Somebody was pounding on the front door; he slowly got up from the couch and made his way to the door. He undid the chain then the two locks underneath he knob, when he pulled the door open he went into a state of shock. A tall green skinned man leaned in the doorway, his head was shaved, eyes so dark they were nearly black, teeth gnarled, and his mouth shaped into a disturbing grin. Hannibal wasted no time in placing a strong hand on his little brother's chest shoving him roughly inside of the house. He kicked the door shut behind him, Murdoc fell to the ground. He couldn't speak; he could only sit on the floor and gape up at his brother like some kind of moron. He felt like this should be some sort of a nightmare, not something that was really happening at this moment. Hannibal looked around the living room checking out his surroundings, looking for what he could steal. Once he was done with that he turned his sights back on his little brother. Murdoc managed to snap into reality enough to scramble to his feet, he walked up to his brother trying to swallow his fear, and trying to look intimidating.

"What the hell are yew doing here, how did yew find me?"

Hannibal crossed his arms over his chest as he stared down at he smaller man.

"Well now, somebody is a bit cocky aren't they? Yew aren't too hard to find ya little shit, my friend Jeff saw yew and yer trash Goth band at a pub the other night. He followed yew back to this shit hole then reported back to me."

The fear faded to anger; he had no right to be here, he had no right to be stalking Murdoc. He wasn't a little kid anymore, he wasn't anybody's property.

"Yew have no fucking right to be here, now get out."

"I have no right? Do yew know how long dad has been looking for yer sorry arse?"

"Get out of here, next time yew see dad yew can slit his throat for me." Murdoc said bitterly.

The smirk on Hannibal's face faded; in its place was a scowl. Before he could react his older brother had his hand wrapped tightly around his neck. He shoved his little brother to the ground seating himself on his chest making it harder for Murdoc to breathe. The younger man struggled; he kicked his legs the toe of his boot just scrapping at the older man's back.

"Being on yer own has made yew think yer more of a man than yew really are."

He punched the smaller man in the face, with each hit he let out a growl that barely sounded human. He sounded more like the demons that Murdoc used to see when he would take LSD.

"L-let go of me, I'll fucking kill yew."

Hannibal laughed at that, he released his grip on his brother and stood to his feet. Murdoc thought he was being let off easy until the older man kicked him hard in the ribs, he bit his lip hard enough to break the skin just to prevent himself from screaming out in pain.

"Kill me, yew are very funny….Now I'm going to take a quick look around to see what my dear little brother has been hiding from his family."

Murdoc watched as Hannibal began turning over furniture and throwing around anything remotely in his way as he searched for cash; he went over in his mind all of the jewelry, money, and drugs he had in his home. All of the things his brother would be taking from him, he thought about the knife under the couch. He wondered if he really could take his brother, Hannibal would expect it right now. He'd wait until the bastard was done scavenging his house, on his way out.

Murdoc reached under the couch his fingers going over cigarette butts and dirt, finally he felt the cool metal of the knife's blade. He pulled the item out and quickly hid it from view; he got up from the ground and stood near the front door. He listened as his brother trashed his bedroom; let's see in the bedroom he had jewelry and a couple hundred dollars, in the bathroom he had his medications for his bipolar disorder and depression. All things that in a few minutes would be gone, unless he could catch his brother off guard; if he couldn't then he would be royally fucked.

Hannibal walked into the living room carrying a black suitcase filled with his little brother's things.

"Well yew have been hiding a lot from us, I think dad might need to drop by sometime and talk to yew."

He refrained from saying anything, he remained silent. As Hannibal passed him by he pulled the knife out from his jeans pocket, he lunged at the taller man. Hannibal turned and punched the younger man in the throat. Murdoc fell to the floor gasping and choking; the knife fell to the floor, Hannibal picked it up with one hand and grabbed a fist full of Murdoc's hair with the other. He brought his younger brother to his knees pressing the blade dangerously close to his throat, the look in his black eyes told Murdoc that he would kill him without a single thought.

"Yew really do think yer a man, don't yew? Yew pathetic little queer, I'll be back, and next time it'll be a lot worse."

He tossed the knife across the room, placed his foot against Murdoc's chest and shoved him onto his back. He spit at the younger man then turned and left the house slamming the door shut behind him.

Murdoc didn't even bother to move; everything hurt, he felt like every bone was broken, and every muscle was on fire. He kept telling himself that this wasn't real, that didn't happen….That didn't just happen, he needed to see what all was missing, but he was in too much pain. He would allow himself to collapse on the floor for an hour or two, and then he would see if there were any pain killers left that he could take.


	8. Chapter 8

The relationship that Murdoc had with his brother was disturbing. When they were growing up he would follow his older brother around wanting nothing more than to be like him, to be good enough to hang around him. Hannibal would beat him, sometimes more severely than his father would. One time he even took Murdoc into an empty lot, Hannibal and a group of his friends beat the younger Niccals boy with pipes and bats until he was sure he would die. Even that hadn't stopped him from following Hannibal around, even in his adult years he could excuse his brother's abuse…Funny when he thought about this now he realized he treated 2D in that way; Hannibal never had a reason to hurt Murdoc though….Blood was thicker than water and love between the wrong people was poison, not like 2D loved him anymore.

The following morning Murdoc woke up on his bathroom floor. He had managed to find some pain killers; he had taken about four of them, barricaded himself in the small room, and then passed out on the bathroom floor. It took him a moment to tell himself that despite popular belief last night had happened; Hannibal now knew where he was living. It scared him knowing that at any moment his father could be there.

He pulled himself to his feet and looked into the mirror that hung over the sink. Both eyes were bruised; his nose was bloodied as well as his lower lip. He didn't even want to see what the rest of him looked like right now.

Knocking at the bathroom door startled him; he thought he had locked the front door….Wait no; hell he wasn't all too sure the front door was even shut. He prayed to anything that it wasn't Hannibal and even more so he hoped that it wasn't his father. The knocking continued; Murdoc sat down on the edge of the bath tub and just stared at the door, the lock on it was complete rubbish. A little kid could break the lock on that door; he was fucked if it was a relative.

It just took a hard shove from the outside for the bathroom door to break open. Relief washed over him when he saw Stuart standing there, but his mind scraped for an excuse when he noticed all of the confusion and fear on his face. The Punk boy took no time to wait; he rushed over to the Satanist. He kneeled in front of him checking his face.

"What the hell happened to yew?"

"It's nothing"

"Bollocks; ya look like yew got run over by a truck or something."

"How did yew get in?"

"The front door wasn't locked, what happened to the rest of yer place?"

"I don't wanna talk about this right now….Just, please I don't wanna talk about this."

Stuart sat back; he studied the older man for a bit then nodded. Murdoc got up, he moved past the taller man quickly making his way out of the room. He went into his bedroom to check the damage; his bed was the only thing that hadn't been over turned or ripped up. He grabbed a stray cigarette up from the floor, pulled his lighter from his pocket and lit it. He took a long drag holding it in until he could hardly hold his breath any longer then let it out. He sat on the bed his eyes cast down towards the floor, his mind was racing, but he couldn't keep track of where it was running to and from.

He noticed the feeling of fingers in his hair, he thought that he heard Stuart's voice, but he wasn't sure what he was saying if he was even really speaking. He couldn't stop thinking, he felt his hands shaking.

"Murdoc, Murdoc what's going on?"

He could only shake his head in response; he dropped the cigarette on the ground snubbing it out with the toe of his boot. He turned and looked at the younger man, he looked beyond worried. He still didn't know what he could say to him, the truth didn't sound like a reasonable option, and no lies came to his mind. The only thing he could think to do was to pull the younger man to him and kiss him hard. The sudden move caught Stu off guard, but he didn't disagree. He kissed back matching the older man's pace, it went like that for awhile until Stu removed Murdoc's shirt.

He felt ashamed of himself, like it was his fault that Hannibal had beaten him up. He wondered how grossed out Stuart was right now, he waited for more questions, or for the other man to just get up and leave. Instead he kissed him again, gently. His fingers trailed over the bruises on the older man's body, the skin was tender, but the caring way Stuart touched him put the pain out of his mind. He kept his eyes closed when the Punk boy kissed along his chest, stomach, and ribs paying attention to each bruise and scar. He hated those marks, all because of who caused them. He was too embarrassed and scared to admit it, to confess it; even though the way Stuart was touching him made him want to confess everything in the world to him.

When they had sex Murdoc pushed the pain out of his mind, each heavy breath that he took sent sharp pain through his body. He ignored it, the pain wasn't important to him in this moment; the only thing he cared about was the man lying underneath him. The one with his legs wrapped firmly around Murdoc's waist and his nails digging into his shoulder blades. Those were marks he didn't mind having, he would never argue or hide the bites and scratches Stuart inflicted on him.

He had hoped that afterwards the topic of what was going on wouldn't come up, but it did. Why wouldn't it? He looked as if he'd been beaten shitless, which he had, and his flat was completely destroyed.

"Why don't yew wanna tell me what happened to yew?"

"Because I'm trying to forget that it happened."

"Maybe I can help, did yew get robbed?"

Murdoc looked around the room then back down at the man pressed against his side.

"Something like that; yew know how I told yew that my brother used to treat me real bad?"

"Yeah I remember"

"Well somebody told him that I'm here….He came, stole all of my cash, jewelry, and drugs. He said he's gonna tell my dad that I'm here, I don't know if they're going to come back…I don't even wanna fucking know what they'll do to me if they do come back."

The fear he felt made him feel stupid; he was too old for all of this.

"Do yew have some place safe yew can go?"

"Satan no, yer about the only person I know who doesn't hate me."

"Do yew know how much money he took from yew, I can give yew whatever amount yew need."

Murdoc kissed the top of the younger man's head.

"No, don't….I don't need any of yer money, I'll be alright."

"I can stay here for a few days if yew like….Just in case he comes here again, I can be here with yew then."

"No way; I don't want him hurting yew."

"I don't care about me, I'm worried about yew. I'd do anything to protect yew; I know yew would do the same thing for me."

"That's why I don't want yew here if Hannibal comes back."

Honestly he didn't want Stuart to leave, he'd ask him to move in if he thought that didn't sound completely insane.

"If he comes back I'll hide, but if something bad happens I'll help yew."

"Fine, yew can stay with me….Won't yer parents wanna know where yer at?"

Stu shrugged.

"I'll make something else, I could use a break from there…..Are yew alright?"

"I'm better now, I just feel stupid that I let this happen."

"It isn't yer fault, maybe he won't come back."

Murdoc didn't reply; he reached over to the night stand for his pack of cigarettes. He felt something cold and hard under his fingers; he picked the object up and held it in front of his face. It was a golden chain with a gold banded ring on it. He remembered the ring; supposedly it had belonged to his birth mother, one of the things that had been found on him when he was left at his father's house. He sat up as he looked at the object; maybe Hannibal hadn't noticed it, there was no way he had a change of heart and left something like this behind.

"What's that?"

"It belonged to my birth mum, my dad found it with me when I was left off at his house. Here I want yew to keep it." He said handing the necklace to the younger man.

Stuart looked at him confused as he held the necklace in the palm of his hand.

"What, why?"

"I don't know why Hannibal didn't steal it or if he'll come back…I think this is the only valuable thing he was nice enough to leave this time. Just promise me that yew'll take it, I know yew won't pawn it off or anything."

Stu looked at the necklace then up at the older man. He didn't argue, he unfastened the chain then placed it around his neck.

"yew sure?"

Murdoc nodded; he had nothing better to do with it, he never wore it, and rarely looked at it. It almost felt right giving it to Stuart. He kissed the younger man, his fingers touching his cheek.

He worried what Hannibal would do to Stuart if he came back, but for the most part he felt soothed by the blue haired man's presence. He felt like he was safe now that he had the other man by his side.


	9. Chapter 9

Hannibal never came back; the reasonable part of Murdoc's brain knew that it was an empty threat. He should have told Stuart that he could go back home, his parents were probably worried about him, or pissed off that he had been away for nearly a week now. He couldn't get himself to say anything, he didn't want to; just like every time that Stuart offered to give him the necklace back he would refuse. He wanted to have it, needed him to have it….He had no idea; to this very day 2D still had that necklace, but he no longer knew where it came from or what it meant. It killed Murdoc when he would see the singer wearing it.

"Do yew even have any actual groceries?"

Stuart had been in the kitchen for half an hour searching for food, it was a completely lost cause.

"Er well maybe, if I do their no good."

"When is the last time that yew ate?" The younger man asked coming back into the living room with a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Well….Last….I don't know, besides yer way skinnier than I am."

"I actually do eat a lot y'know, but I got a high metabolism or something like that. So I don't really gain too much weight."

He sat down on the older man's lap draping his arm around Murdoc's neck. He placed his hand on Stuart's side pulling him closer to him; the punk boy rested his head on the older man's chest.

"This is the longest I've ever dated another bloke."

"Really, I'm surprised yew stuck around this long." Murdoc replied, he idly ran his fingers along Stuart's side.

"I like yew a lot, but it never last that long with anybody."

"How come?"

"Do yew wanna know why me and my girlfriend broke up?"

"Sure"

"Mostly because I caught her with a mate of mine, but I was kind of really happy about it. I think that I'm gay; yer the first person I've even said that to. I've been with guys, but for short periods of time and only a few of them."

He wasn't really too shocked by the confession, but for the most part he had just thought the blue haired man just wanted a sort of rebound after his last relationship. Honestly he thought of any reason other than Stuart genuinely liking him.

"How long have yew known that yew like guys?"

"A long time, but I wasn't exactly brought up to think homosexuality is okay….God if my parents found out they would disown me, that's one of the reasons it never works with guys. They get sick of waiting on me to tell my parents that I'm gay, but I just can't do it."

"If yer worried that I'm going to break up with yew over that, don't worry because I won't. I want to be with yew, screw what yer parents say….If yew ever tell them and they kick yew out then yew can always come and live with me."

He felt dumb for offering that last part, but he had been thinking about it lately. Stuart pressed his lips against the older man's neck in a soft kiss then behind his ear.

"Thanks, I'm glad I met yew Mudsy."

Murdoc laughed causing the younger man to pull back and look at him confused.

"Sorry just never had anybody call me that before, I like it."

He kissed the other man, his fingers brushed back through his messed hair.

He had thought the moment would last forever. He thought that maybe this relationship would last a long time, maybe even into years. If people could see into their futures they would either commit suicide or hide in a dark corner refusing to ever move. Even as Murdoc wrote all of these things, these true facts down he wasn't sure what he would have done. He didn't know if it'd change anything; even if he could see the bitter demon like man he would become in the future he wouldn't change it. It had been too perfect; he knew he was a bastard for saying that he wouldn't change a single thing, but he couldn't help it. Maybe he was just a sadistic masochist; it was his fault that the future turned out so horribly. It was his own fault that he was writing all of this down, because he knew eventually all humanity would leave him leaving him an empty shell of a creature.


	10. Chapter 10

Nothing perfect last, sometimes it goes from perfect to shit, then it begins to repair itself only to be broken again.

It had been a couple of days since he had spoken to Stuart, he didn't have the man's phone number and even if he did he was smart enough to know not to call. He didn't know any place he could find him at, so he decided to just let it go. Stuart usually had a way of just showing up again, it didn't bother Murdoc too much.

Maybe if he hadn't walked into that crappy little café things wouldn't have gone to shit. He was bored though, being home was driving him mad, and he couldn't go around his ex-bandmates since Josh was angrier with him than he usually was. Something that had to do with Murdoc hot wiring his car and driving it right into a tree, but that was what you got when you fucked with Murdoc Niccals.

He hated cafes; if you went in too early it was old people, if you went in too late it was hipsters and wanna be authors. Right now was the time that the 'cool' people and supposed book writers were crowding the place, but it was a place where he could smoke so he would deal with it. He was fine until he noticed the bright blue hair at a table near the back of the small building. He made his way over stopping only when he noticed the girl in the chair next to his; she wasn't too bad looking, long blonde hair and fair skin. The thing he didn't like about this mystery girl was the fact that she had her lips pressed against Stuart's. Now he had seen the movies where the woman saw her husband being kissed by another woman, she'd freak out only to find out later that he wasn't cheating. So he continued to watch even though it killed him to just stand there watching this. The kiss continued, he felt the anger boil inside of himself when Stuart placed a hand on the back of the girl's neck as the kiss became more passionate, his other hand went to her breast.

Fuck standing there; he was sick of watching this. He went to the table slamming the palms of his hands down on the table top causing both of them to pull from each other and turn their attention to the man glaring down at them. Stuart's brown eyes widened filling with fear, the girl just stared at Murdoc with annoyance.

"Having fun?" Murdoc asked his voice cold, irritated.

"Excuse me, wot do yew want? Do yew need directions to the homeless shelter?" She asked her tone snotty.

God if he believed in hitting women he would have made her choke on her own fucking teeth.

He turned his full attention to Stuart who was still staring up at him, he looked like he wanted to say something.

"What, what do yew have to say? Know what I don't' want to fucking hear it, I'm done." He turned and left.

He heard the sound of shoes hitting against the tile floor, he walked faster making sure to shove the door shut behind him. He only managed to make it five feet until he felt a hand grab hold of the sleeve of his shirt.

"If yew don't let go of my shirt I will hit yew."

"Murdoc please, c'mon please just talk to me. I can explain, yew got it all wrong."

He turned to look at him; the look of rage on his face was harsh enough to cause Stuart to take a step back possibly rethinking his approach.

"What did I get wrong, yer tongue in her mouth, or yer hand on her tits?"

"Murdoc…"

"Get away from me, stay the fuck away from me."

He gave it a second before turning and leaving, this time Stuart didn't follow.


	11. Chapter 11

It hurt, it hurt a lot; Murdoc knew what pain felt like, but that was mainly physical pain. Maybe this only hurt because it was his first actual relationship, the first one that went beyond sex, and the first time he actually felt love towards another being. Hell he didn't even feel love towards himself, it was a wonder his deadened heart could feel for something, anything. Now everything just hurt, it hurt too much.

He emptied the beer bottle he held in his hand then threw it in the corner, it hit against the other bottles collecting. He was torn between rage and depression; he couldn't get it out of his mind. Why did he think the relationship would work, it was a wonder that it lasted as long as it had. He should have known it wouldn't have lasted from the get go, honestly why would somebody who for the most part was normal want him?

He learned a long time ago that you can't trust anybody, not even yourself. He hated himself for going against his own personal rules and beliefs, but he hated Stuart even more for making him feel something, anything. He couldn't get the image of his boyfriend with that tramp out of his head, why did this bother him so fucking much?

The front door opened, for a second he thought it'd be his brother, but the moment he saw the blue hair and the worried look on the other man's face he knew better. He rather had seen his brother.

"Get out."

Stuart ignored him, he shut the door behind him; he stood with his hands in his pockets while his wide eyes scanned the room nervously.

"Get out, now. Can't yew fucking understand that?" Murdoc said angrily as he stood up from the couch, he stepped in front of the younger man.

He still wouldn't look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry, about everything….Just yew don't understand, alright?" His voice was quiet, shaky.

The older man balled his hands into fists at his sides, why was he doing this to him?

"I don't fucking understand, yew keep on telling me that I don't understand or I saw it wrong. What in Hell did I fucking miss?"

The younger man flinched.

"I-I'm not dating her, my mum set me up on a date with her….She does that, sends me on dates with girls she knows from church and stuff….I didn't want to kiss her."

"Oh alright so this isn't the first time yew've done this, so how many other birds have yew been with lately?"

This wasn't making anything better, only making it worse. It made his chest and head ache worse; he could barely stand looking at him right now. Was he here just to make this twenty times worse?

"O-only four other dates, I-I never….This is the only one I kissed and I-I never…."

"Never what fucked one of them; that makes it so much better. I can't fucking believe I trusted yew, yer just a pathetic little brat. Yew can't even fucking look at me, why are yew even here?"

Stuart didn't reply he only continued to stare down at the ground.

Murdoc hit the younger man across the face. Stuart looked up at him his eyes wide, scared; he wanted to say he regretted hitting him right away but he didn't, he wondered if that was how his father felt when he abused people, just this blinded rage.

"I want yew out of here, I'm sick of this."

When the other man didn't do anything he shoved him roughly back against the wall.

"Murdoc…"

"Shut up, just shut up." He grabbed him by the back of his shirt dragging him towards the door; he jerked it open then shoved the younger man outside as hard as he could.

Stuart fell face first against the concrete; he pulled himself to his hands and knees, Murdoc swore he could hear him crying. A small piece of him wanted to apologize for hitting him, but he was too pissed off at the moment, if anything he only wanted to hurt him more. He didn't trust himself to say or do anything other than shut the door so he couldn't see the blue haired man anymore.

He figured that'd be the last time he would ever see him again, that he was back to solitude. It wasn't until he closed the door that he realized just how alone he was again. He had forgotten how much he had come to loathe loneliness, how used to being around another person he had become…He didn't want this, he didn't want feelings, he didn't want this shit flat….He didn't want any of this not anymore, he wished he had never met Stuart in the first place.

At the moment he was wishing he hadn't hit him, that scared him….It was too much like his father, more than he would like to recognize. It reminded him why he had avoided relationships, because there was the inevitable chance that he would turn into his father….He wasn't completely wrong though, right?

What was he thinking, he shouldn't have done that….Yes this was better, and there was no way in hell that Stuart would come back. If he was sane in the slightest he wouldn't come around again, he would lie to his parents and say he got into a fight somewhere, and then he would go back to dating those stupid girls that he didn't even want. He was just a stupid brat, another stupid college aged kid who didn't know a damned thing….Murdoc was better off without him; he didn't need to waste his time dealing with some kid. He needed to focus on finding a new band, maybe this time one that wouldn't fail in a month or less.

The plan sounded good, but he made no moves towards it. He just continued to sit on the couch downing a newly opened bottle of Jack Daniels.


	12. Chapter 12

The ritual was a dangerous one, hell all Satanic and Wiccan rituals could be dangerous. It all depended on what you were asking for, in Murdoc's case this could go completely wrong and equal in death. He didn't really care though; that was the thing about anger, heart break, and rum. It all combined in a horrible mess that caused bad judgment along with not caring about your own well being. The ritual as simple enough in the Latin words he had spoken to enter it, the small sacrifice of his own blood, and that was followed by even more Latin words. Nothing happened though; he stood in the middle of the symbol he had made on the living room floor with red coloured salts. He waited as patiently as he could manage; no sounds, nothing at all almost like the world around him was dead. The silence was driving him crazy; a part of him hoped that it wouldn't work after all. Did he really want to sell his soul for this?

He wanted fame, he craved it, but that part of his mind was still stuck on Stuart. Wondering if he was alright, if he would try to come around again to talk to him. Maybe things could be okay between them, if this ritual worked he didn't know what would happen there. He had heard plenty of tales of men losing their minds after making deals with demons, he had heard about people being dragged down to Hell with no deal even made. What if that happened, what if he ended up being killed and dragged to Hell? Then this would be for nothing, just a waste of his life and his time…..Like every other thing so far.

Murdoc picked the bottle of whiskey up from the ground taking a long drink from it. He looked around the darkened room; he really hated being alone.

"Fuck it"

He dropped the bottle to the floor, kicked the sand around with his foot erasing the symbol, then blowing out the candles. He left the room retiring to his bedroom; why did he think this would work especially when he wasn't completely sure that he even wanted this. He didn't know what he wanted; he heard that some men when they made deals with devils they lost their humanity over time. He smiled softly at the thought of losing his humanity; of never feeling love or heartache ever again, what had love done for him?

His step mom had left even though she supposedly loved him.

He had loved Stuart and yet the younger man cheated and in return Murdoc had beaten him…

Love was vile; he didn't want to deal with this anymore. He strongly believed in Hell, in the power of rituals, but honestly he had never seen anything come of them. Tonight only proved to him that they were nothing, just another fairy tale spread by putrid smelling old drunks sitting in the dark corners of pubs; that's what he thought as he fell into an alcohol induced sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When he awoke he saw the demon perched on the foot of his bed, the creature that in later years he would refer to as 'Boogieman'. At first sight he thought he was still dreaming or stuck in that in between space that sometimes caused you to see things that weren't really there, but once his eyes adjusted to the darkness he realized that the creature was still there. Its head was cocked to the side as it studied Murdoc, heavy breathing came from underneath the gas mask that covered its real face. He felt an urge to run from it, but he was completely paralyzed.

He felt a burning in his right eye; at first it hurt just a little bit, just a little stinging, but it quickly grew worse. He let out a weak scream of pain as the pain intensified, he wanted to claw his eye out, to move, or get away from the pain but he couldn't move a single muscle. He could only whimper and yell out from the pain while that damned demon stared at him almost like it was bored by his misery. It stayed like that for nearly three minutes, that burning pain that spread throughout his skull. As quickly as it came it went, leaving him feeling physically drained, his throat was sore and raw from his screams of pain. The creature continued to look on like it was waiting for something. That was when Murdoc caught a glimpse at what sat on the floor; the blood red bass guitar, the demon had a clawed hand set upon it.

He could hardly make the instrument out in the darkness, but what he could see of it he knew it was incredible. Yet he still couldn't understand how this helped him, what this had to do with being the world's greatest musician. He already knew how to play bass, he needed a band, and a deal with a record company.

The demon almost seemed to understand this; it followed his gaze looking down at the instrument that sat upon the floor. It never spoke, but by the way it was looking from Murdoc to the bass it seemed like it was speaking. He tried to form words, to ask the demon what the hell it wanted. He wanted to know why his head felt like it had been set on fire; he wanted to know why this bass was sitting in his bedroom, and if any of this was even real. He couldn't speak though, his throat was dry, and words failed him completely. He hoped the demon could hear his thoughts that maybe they could communicate in some psychic way, but nothing happened. There was only the eerily dead silence that surrounded them. It seemed to grow bored of Murdoc, of this realm; it jumped back off of the bed disappearing in a whirl blackness. The moment it was gone he could move; he got up from the bed and ran from his room going to the bathroom. He flipped on the light and looked into the broken mirror above the sink. He was soaked in sweat, his body was shaking, his damp hair stuck to his forehead. The thing that really caught his attention though was the eye that had been burning was now a bright ruby red. He covered up his left eye wondering if he could even see through his newly damaged eye, if anything he could see through it better.

He didn't understand this, understand what this was. He didn't understand what the creature had been or what the bass had to do with anything….The bass.

He went back to his room, turning on the lights; he picked the instrument up and began looking over it. Along its neck engraved in the dark wood was 'El Diablo'. He felt uncomfortable holding it, but once he started strumming at it he eased into the feeling. It felt right in his hands; the sounds it made were incredible; so much better than the sounds any other bass could ever make. He spent the rest of that night playing El Diablo, all thought of his now red eye and the demon he had seen were pushed to the other side of his mind. All that he cared about in that moment was the bass he held in his hands, the one that filled him with a sensation of power….Of success, like he was somebody for the first time in his life.

All thoughts of Stuart, of their fight were gone.


	14. Chapter 14

It felt as if he had stayed in his home for weeks doing nothing but writing new music and playing his new bass. He still couldn't believe that this had happened, that the ritual had worked. He had always believed strongly in these things, but a rational part of him didn't believe it….He still didn't know how this instrument would bring him fame, but each time that he picked it up he felt powerful and sure of himself. He would no longer feel the doubt or over shadowing fear of failure that he normally felt deep down inside of himself, but at the same time the bass made his stomach hurt. Something about it made him uneasy, told him that just like all tales to do with Satan it would bring good but five times more bad, but at that time he couldn't fathom what the bad could possibly be.

If it hadn't been for an acquaintance of his calling he never would have stopped playing the instrument. The second he sat it down on the living room floor it was like he just woke out of a trance. He realized he hadn't left his home for a good while now, he remembered the fight with Stuart, and how he had beat on him. When all of these things rushed back into his mind it made him feel dizzy. Suddenly his flat felt small like the walls were closing in on him, that's when he decided to go out for a walk. As he got further away from his home and the instrument inside of it the clearer his mind felt. The cold air hitting against his face stung at first, but he quickly grew numb to it nearly enjoying the sensation of it. He wasn't sure if it was late at night or if it was dead early in the morning, but nobody was wandering the streets. He was all alone on the streets right now; it was the way that he liked it.

His mind wandered to the fight between him and Stuart. He hated himself so damn much for hitting him, for shoving him around that way. Murdoc remembered watching his father do that to women, women he supposedly loved, but he could so easily hurt them. He swore to himself every day of his childhood that he wouldn't turn out that way, that he would never lay a hand on somebody he claimed to love. He wanted to explain it, tell himself that it was alright that he had pushed the blue haired Punk around. He had cheated on Murdoc, he had cheated quite a few times, and acted like there could be a good reason for it. He had every right to him him….No, no that wasn't right; he shouldn't lay a damn hand on him…..Fuck he missed him; until he got the bass he had thought about the younger man constantly, wondered if he was alright. He wondered if he was scared, angry, hurt, and how badly bruised he was from the confrontation. It was incredible how consumed one could be about another human being. Maybe it was just him; it felt stupid being the age that he was and feeling so….Innocent, new, or maybe just naïve with a feeling like love. He wasn't used to thinking about somebody, wanting to protect somebody, and give them everything that he could. He couldn't understand why his chest hurt when he replayed the scene of Stuart cheating over and over again in his mind's eye….He didn't understand, he couldn't comprehend why he gave a fuck about somebody. He didn't understand why only when he played that stupid demon bass he didn't think about it, him, or love.

"Murdoc"

He tensed at the sound of the familiar voice calling his name. He walked faster hoping the younger man would catch the hint and just screw off.

"Wait up; please I need to talk to yew."

A hand wrapped around his wrist urging him to stop, he obeyed the gentle command but wouldn't turn to face the other man.

"H-how have yew been?" Stuart asked lamely as he stepped in front of the older man in an attempt to look into his eyes.

Murdoc continued to look down at the ground.

"Stupid question, ya think?" The older man responded.

"I know, sorry; I-I didn't know w-wot else to ask….I guess yew have probably been bad, unless yer good…Th-then that's good; I've been really shit since we um….I've been doing really bad for the past few weeks."

Murdoc looked at Stuart's hand which was still holding onto his wrist; the younger man noticed this and quickly removed his hand shoving it in his jeans pocket. The older man stepped away leaning back against the nearest building, he really just wanted some space between the two of them.

"Wot is it yew want to say?"

"I've missed yew." Stuart whispered.

"Why, don't yew have some church birds yew could be shagging right about now?"

"I never had sex with any of them and since wot happened I haven't gone on a single date. Which has pissed my mum off a lot." He said laughing nervously.

"Wot do yew want me to say; congratulations, is that wot yew want?" He asked glaring up at the taller man.

He noticed the way Stuart was looking at his face that was when he remembered that his right eye was red. The deal….He still didn't understand why his eye had turned red after making that deal. He quickly averted his eyes feeling stupid and ashamed, he actually felt like a bastard for trading his soul.

"I wanted to tell yew that there is no excuse for wot I did. I care about yew a lot, I want to be with yew, and it's driving me crazy not being with yew. I swear on my life that I won't do it again, I won't do anything else to hurt yew…I-I….I just care about yew a lot."

"I don't think we should be together."

"Please I swear I won't do it again."

Murdoc smiled sadly, he looked up meeting the other man's pleading eyes.

"It's not completely that….I hit yew, doesn't that bother yew?"

Stuart looked a bit confused like he had forgotten about it completely.

"I deserved that, hell I wanted to beat myself up."

"No that's the thing I shouldn't have fucking done it, even if yew did do something to piss me off a lot. I shouldn't have touched yew, it isn't right."

"Do yew feel bad about doing it?"

Murdoc nodded, he looked at the ground again.

"Do yew think yew could ever do it again?"

"I hope not, I don't think that I could." He whispered almost too low for Stu to hear.

He felt fingers lightly caressing his right cheek, his breath caught in his throat as the younger man's fingers touched his skin. He missed this, him, and this; he missed all of this, why couldn't they just work things out….He could fight genetics, he could be different from his father. He would never be a good man, but he could be something better than his father.

"I trust yew." Stuart whispered his mouth close to Murdoc's ear; the older man felt a chill go down his spine.

"I'm in love with yew." Murdoc said finally allowing himself to meet the Punk boy's eyes.

A part of him waited rejection, wanted to see some fear or unease in the blue haired man's eyes. He looked a bit shocked for just a second, but the look of shock quickly turned to one of elation. He wrapped his arms around the older man hugging him tightly; he buried his face in the crook of Murdoc's neck.

"I love yew too; I swear I'll make this up to yew."

He felt relief at hearing those words coming from Stu's mouth, he felt like he was somewhere safe having this beautiful man holding onto him whispering the sweetest promises into his ear. He forgot about his genetics, El Diablo, and the bad that had happened just a few weeks ago between them. They stood there for half an hour just whispering to each other about how things would be better now, about how they would give anything to make the other happy, and when they weren't making vacant promises they were kissing as if they would never see each other again. Once the sun began to rise they went to Murdoc's flat and lay on the couch falling asleep in each other's arms.

Oh how he missed that….How stupid they both were; sometimes in a crazy way Murdoc wondered if Hell planned all of this. If some force wanted them back together, if something needed to make the ending hurt that much worse.


	15. Chapter 15

They spent the following day catching up with each other on all of the things they had missed during their time apart, when they weren't doing that they were drinking, and mending the loose ends. By the time that night came around it seemed like they were getting back to where they had been before all of the drama. The only thing they didn't speak about was the deal with the demon, Murdoc actually had forgotten all about the bass that was currently leaning against the wall by the front door. Stuart noticed the instrument; he went over to it and picked it up looking over it. Watching the younger man handle it made Murdoc feel strange, it didn't bother him having Stuart touching something of his. It was just the bass itself, something about it that he couldn't comprehend then.

"Yew think t'at yew can play something for me?" The blue haired man asked grinning at the older man.

Murdoc took the offered bass; he began playing it quickly falling into the pattern from the other day. Except this time he didn't feel as consumed; it was hard to explain anything dealing with the bass. Those first few weeks that he had owned it he was in a trance, he wouldn't put it down. It was like the demonic instrument was feeding off of his depression and his pain, it wanted him all to itself. Now that Stuart was back though it wasn't the same, other than the weariness he felt around it, it just felt like another bass to him. It played better and it was heavier. He wasn't focusing on it like he had before; he was mostly focusing on the Punk boy leaning against his side, those long fingers threading through his greasy black hair. He glanced over at Stuart and smiled back at him, he loved him more than the fame.

"Where did yew get this one from, I don't remember it?"

Murdoc grinned and shook his head.

"I don't think yew would believe me luv, probably think I'm completely mad." He replied laughing.

"I already think yer completely crazy; it's part the reason that I love yew so much."

"Do yew believe in demons and all that junk?"

"I guess" The younger man responded.

"Well a few weeks back I kind of made a deal with a Devil; I asked for fame so it gave me this bass and a red eye, sounds completely insane doesn't it?"

"Yeah it does."

"Do yew believe me?"

Stuart buried his face in the crook of the older man's neck.

"Strangely enough I do, wot did yew promise it?"

"Not important." The older man said hoping to end the topic there.

He didn't care if Stuart meant it when he said he believed him or not, hell maybe he really did believe Murdoc about it. The boy wasn't extremely bright, but at the same time he wasn't stupid; it was like his mentality was in this place where he could believe nearly anything that he heard that most would dismiss as completely insane. He was open minded enough to hang around somebody like Murdoc, he was dumb enough to fall in love with somebody like him.

In just four weeks it would all change, everything would go straight to shit all over again….Honestly when he thought about this, the past that he buried beneath drugs and alcohol he could hardly believe who the two of them used to be.

'My only question is; do you believe me too?'


	16. Chapter 16

This was the part that was inevitable, the part of the story that no matter how long he wanted to put off he would have to get to it sooner or later. He had actually stopped writing this confession for a day or two just for the pure fact that he did not want to go into this part of the story, the part that for the most part was already well known. It wasn't the most important part, but at the same time it was.

Stuart had stayed at his house for a week or so, but like always they came to that time where the younger man needed to go back home. He had a job to go to that he said he was most likely to be fired from quite soon due to his absence and his mental absence on the days he decided to be at work. He also had to go home to assure his family that he was well alive; he had informed Murdoc that he told them he was with somebody. He hated seeing the other man leave; he knew it could be days before he would be able to see him again.

"I'll be back, I always am….Besides I think I'm going to come out to my parents; not today, but….I'm going to, soon too." Stuart said seeming a bit nervous at the thought of coming out to his family.

"Yew don't have to, I'm okay with yew not telling them…..I mean yew should eventually, but yew don't have to do it because of me." The Satanist said as he placed his hand over the other man's.

"No, it's for myself; I'm an adult I should tell them." He said giving a small smile.

"Yew sure that yew can't stay longer?"

The younger man gave a sad smile; he placed a hand on the older man's cheek then leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I'll be back soon, I love yew Mudsy."

The older man smiled at the pet name, he kissed the younger man drawing the kiss out as long as he could.

"I love yew to Stu."

Stuart got up off of the couch and made his way to the front door; he turned and waved at the older man before going out. That would be the last time that he would see him, the last time that he would get to talk to him that way ever again. As he thought about that day he felt his heart break all over again, the same heart that he could have sworn was dead.

'Now the following events are difficult for me to describe, I'll only discuss the important parts….I really hate thinking about the accident.'

The demon came back; it came back late one night while Murdoc had been sitting on his bed just staring at the wall wondering why in Hell he couldn't get to sleep. He noticed the creature in the corner of his room; its glowing goggle eyes stared at him, its breathing was heavy, and the black smoke that emitted from its body crawled across his bedroom floor. Seeing the demon again made him feel uneasy, part of him feared it was actually there for his soul.

"Do you still want to be famous?" It asked, its voice sounded from every part of the room like a booming echo.

"Yeah of course I do, why else would I sell my damn soul for it?"

He knew it wasn't a good idea to get smart with a demon, but the thing frustrated him.

"The bass will help you, but you have to help yourself as well."

Murdoc rolled his eyes at this; was he really being cheated by a demon?

"Great so hard work and all that rubbish, did I really sell my bloody soul for nothing?" He asked feeling agitated.

The demon slowly shook its head in a silent reply.

"Gather some of those so called friends of yours, there is a music shop called Uncle Norm's; rob it."

"Wot?"

Now he just felt confused, still annoyed, but mostly confused. Why in Hell did it want him to rob a music shop, he needed money and fame; he didn't need more jail time for stealing instruments or anything for that matter.

"Crash into the shop and rob it, trust me….We only want to help you get to where you need to be Mr. Niccals; free of distraction."

Before he could question the last part the demon disappeared.

'Free of distraction….'

What the fuck did that mean; he didn't understand it back then. He was so fucking ignorant back then; he loved to act like he knew everything. In reality he didn't know a damned thing, back then it didn't make sense but now when he looked back on it….Back on all of it, it actually made sense; he couldn't believe it had taken him so many years to realize why all of this happened…..Why did he have to listen to the demon, follow its specific fucking instructions…..If only he could go back and smack himself across the face, tell him what an obvious mistake he was going to make.

It wasn't until the following day when his van crashed through the shop window did he begin realizing how much of a fucking mistake this all was. It wasn't until he felt that horrible thud, the thud that only came with hitting a body. It wasn't until he had gotten out of his car and ran around to the front of it to see Stuart's nearly lifeless body lying underneath it that he realized what a fucking mistake all of this was...


	17. Chapter 17

'There are a million and one more things that I have neglected to tell you in all the years that I have known you ever since you became 2D. One of those things is; I never abused you while you were in that coma of yours, I never laid a hand on you. Couldn't you or anybody else just naturally figure that out? Your mother was a nurse, she came over nearly every day to scold me, and guilt me for running over her only son. God didn't she understand how much I already hated myself for what I had done? No, she didn't, why would she? She didn't know you were gay and she sure as hell didn't know that the man she was screaming at was the man her son had been dating. One of the things that killed me the most was when your mother told me that the day of the car accident you had told her you had something you needed to tell her and your dad about after work. You were going to come out to them, weren't you?

As I write all of this I wonder if you'll even believe me, hell you might be disgusted, or think this is just another one of my mind fucks. I bet you are wondering why I just didn't tell you that we were together once you came out of your coma. One reason I couldn't tell you then and saved myself all of this trouble was because I was ashamed of myself. How was I supposed to tell you that I was the one who ran over you then about a year later got you into another car accident because I had to drink too much and act like a moron. The second reason was Paula Cracker; she came to the hospital the day you were admitted that second time. She saw me in the waiting room and began insulting me for wrecking up her boyfriend twice. Of course I was confused and almost wanted to yell at her that you didn't have a girlfriend, you had a boyfriend. Your mom was standing near by though; apparently Paula told everybody that the two of you were back together….A small part of me believed her, isn't that sad?

I actually kind of believed her when she said you had been back with her for a couple of months before the accident had happened. You had cheated on me with those blind dates so why wouldn't you just go ahead and get back with your ex-girlfriend?

It didn't help that when the doctor informed us that we could see you now that the moment that bitch walked into the room your face lit up. You grinned broadly when you saw her walk in; she hugged you and kissed you on the cheek. You laughed and hugged her back telling her how much you loved her and had missed her. I was so fucking confused; I knew that you had suffered brain damage, that you couldn't remember a lot of shit…..But me, you couldn't remember me? Four months, we had dated for four months, you knew….Know things about me that nobody else in this world….I loved you, love you…..I don't even know which one it is anymore, but that day in the hospital when you hugged her and looked at her with such love….That killed me almost more than when I ran over you and saw you lying on the ground with blood all over your face, it killed me more than watching over you in that year long coma.

You weren't the same you anymore; your name was still Stuart Pot, but now you were somebody brand new. I hated her and I hated you for being with her, but I consoled myself by saying you were a stranger to me now. A stranger who sung like an angel, a stranger who was so damned beautiful….you are beautiful, I have always told you that…..At the same time your appearance hurts me; you're a ghost, those eyes used to be brown and so full of life, but now they are just these black holes that I feel are judging me, because deep down somewhere I think that you know all of this already.

I could spend the remainder of my lifetime telling you things, apologizing to you, but I feel that'd be a waste of time. If you haven't figured it out yet; I wrote Plastic Beach for you, an album all for you….Don't you feel special?

I hate myself so much, I really fucked up. I have spent my entire life doing nothing but fuck up, especially when it comes to you. You are my favorite accident, I love you so god damn much Stu….2D….It doesn't matter what I call you; I don't know what your reaction will be once you read through all of this, through my confession. I don't know if you'll forgive me or if you'll be disgusted, I know one thing for sure; that you'll try to or want to try and find me, don't. Just save yourself that pain in the ass, I'm going far away again….I'm not even entirely sure where I am going to go to or if I'll come back, just don't come looking for me….Alright? I love you Stuart, I hate to say it but I always will no matter how hard I try not to.'

Murdoc picked up the pile of pages looking over them one last time. He could still destroy them and forget all about this, he could just go back to bed, and go on living this dreadful little life of his…..He wouldn't though, because he needed to do this, he had to. He turned and looked at the Boogieman perched upon his bed like a large demon shaped bird.

"This is all yer fault."

It cocked its head to the side as if in questioning, it didn't talk too much anymore. It almost always followed him, but it seemed pretty content to just stay here.

Murdoc sighed heavily, one last look around his dimly lit bedroom before leaving it behind. He quietly made his way up to 2D's room; the blue haired singer was still fast asleep. Murdoc placed the stack of pages on the stand next to his bed; he stared down at the sleeping man. He really was beautiful, for a second he could pretend that beneath those closed lids was a pair of bright brown eyes. He lightly combed his fingers through 2D's hair, it took a lot to make himself turn and leave the room. He made his way through the house quietly; he didn't allow himself to pause until he was inside of his car outside. He allowed himself a minute to look at the crappy momentary home of his band mates. He started up the car and back out of the driveway, he sped through the empty streets knowing that he wouldn't return to that house, and if he ever did he knew they would no longer be there. They would move to a different place, replace him with a different bassist, and forget all about this. For himself he hadn't the slightest clue what he was going to do, but that didn't matter much. Murdoc was used to going from place to place and leaving anything and everything behind him, he would find some place new.

The End.


End file.
